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Kirk Speaks About Male Vanity...

When I was still a little boy, I was like a street kid. I didn't like baths. I didn’t like combing my hair. I didn’t appreciate being powdered by my personal maid. Colognes that my mother pours upon me seem to evaporate instantly after I stepped out of the sun. I start to smell funky. Blotchy legs never faze me – I prefer the satisfaction of scratching mosquito bites until they bleed. I wanted to beat the living hell out of the girls in my kindergarten class who had hair that didn’t move or the boys whose fingernails has always kept by their mommies clean. Boys who are so clean annoy me. I thought that boys who are very neat are the Momma’s-boy-type. Boys who didn’t come back to class sweating like pigs after recess made my teeth itch. The fact that I could never be (or perhaps, never really wanted to be) as dainty as these creatures haunted me until high school.

I thought I would never change, and I never thought that one day, I’d be people’s role model because of just being neat and being vain –In my hygiene, and fresh-looks. It started when my two uncles of a not so far age-gap made me immune with the trend.

Dwayne spends more time in the bathroom than I do. He scrubs, trims and polishes parts of himself that only porn stars probably bother with. He never forgets to bring a handkerchief. He doesn’t stink after a sweaty workout.

While Charles, on the other hand, religiously applies lotion on his body after bathing. He consumes a lot of baby powder and cologne – a hell of a lot. He insists on changing his shirt immediately after class. He carries hand-sanitizing gel in his pocket.

I was only twelve that time, a kind of a happy-go-lucky boy who is still unaware of love, crushes, and teen stuffs. All I know is, I enjoy what I needed to enjoy. We strolled at the mall one Sunday morning with my friends. Wherever we walk, girls can’t help to have a second look with them. I wonder. They weren’t that good looking for me. Neither have they had a gorgeous body. I envy them that very moment. We spent the whole day at the mall, and I noticed that even adults stare at them. They were two gigantic head-turners.

I began appreciating my cool friends when I reached the age of thirteen. Personality does really count. I contemplated about how would I change myself, because pimples started to pop out of my face. That’s the only time I realized I don’t look good anymore, and why does girls don’t admire me.

Glad to have my parents with me. They were both vain. I asked for their help on what should I do. My Dad just smiled and said to my Mom, which is something like, “Our son’s growing up”. Mom answered, “He’s already a teenager, so what else do you expect?”

Whatever… I hate it but I can’t help it…

I began to have a crush on the second quarter of my first year. She’s astoundingly pretty. Boys admire her too. I like her so much –the only problem is –she doesn’t like me. She used to snob me and will just appreciate me for being a bright honor student. It kills me. She thinks I’m a nerdy geek. My whole clan boasts a good attractive personality since we came from a mixed race, while me? I’m darn out of date!

She challenged me. I immediately ran errands over something that would make me better. I cried out of disappointment in a corner one day. My best friend comforted me. He said I don’t look bad at all, he just said I just need to be a bit organized. He told me that a lot of girls admire me but won’t attempt to be with me because I’m a disorganized person. Goodness! Is that what they think? It’s a relief; I thought I look that bad.

After gaining my confidence back, I asked for my mom’s help. She brings me at Dr. Belo’s clinic at Town Center every Sunday since mom got a special discount from Dr. Vicky because they were colleagues before.

First year passed and the second year came. I had a major makeover the past summer time. I went in the class. My mates mistook me for being a new student. They told me I look nice. I told them thanks. I never noticed that I changed a lot, by the way I look, by the way I speak, and by the way I behave. Maybe I really become matured enough. My crush came to me and sits next to my seat. It felt so good especially that she opened up a conversation with me. After some time, that girl became my girlfriend. From that moment onwards, guys envy me, or pick fights with me, not because of my improved looks, but because I have their crush with me as my girl. It really felt even better actually.

I always keep myself down to earth. Humble and quiet. But what I brag here is that, people can change for better. They’ll just have to do some tricks.

So it seems funny - almost poetic - that while I’ve grown into a hygienic, nice-smelling young man with a reasonable arsenal of cosmetics and a dozens of assorted perfumes and colognes.

Now that I’m already twenty one, I spend an hour and a half in the bathroom with my different daily rituals. I use four kinds of soap.

The mirror seems to be my new best friend. Especially when I lost my best friends. Wherever I am, I usually mirror myself in the car windows, and in public toilets in the malls. I always check my face if it’s already oily. I always carry my vanity kit around with me.

For your information, my vanity kit contains baby powder, a lotion, a facial wash, a lip balm, an oil control film, a mirror, an alcogel, isopropyl alcohol, toothpaste, toothbrush, leave-on conditioner, hair stick, and cologne. Whew, you’ll get used to it… Now I’m far vainer than my friends.

It feels good to be vain esp. when girls appreciate your consciousness and other people make you as their role model. It would gather you some respect from others. People will always think you are very clean despite of the disadvantages. At least, it’s so much fun! I’m already Twenty one and I’m an adult now. I hope I could make it through. There is only one thing I can say about myself… I never stop changing. Even for yourself, you can’t stop changes. I hope this article inspired you. I’m not trying to brag about something here. I’m speaking about changes here that would bring us something great. Hoping to have a better world that should start within us. Remember that the only constant thing in this world is change.

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